Headline on the internet

"The creator of MadLibs died yesterday. He was seventy-poop years old."

Realization

I should not be allowed to go clothes-shopping unsupervised because I'm an impulse buyer with bad fashion sense.

Shalom

I said "Shalom" to a random guy on the train this morning who I thought was wearing a yarmulke.  Turns out he just had a really bad comb-over.

In the airport

7:30 am, Thursday morning, Buffalo Niagara airport
So I'm sitting in the airport earlier this morning, waiting for my flight. There were a lot of people sitting in my designated gate, so I was sitting in one of the empty gates that wasn't being used. So there are only 1-2 people anywhere near me. It's early morning, and it's very quiet, very peaceful. There is gentle music playing over the speaker system overhead.
All of a sudden....

CHWWAAAAA kyooo!!  CCHHHAAAA kyooo!!

Breaking the silence is some guy hawking a lugee nearby. Really REALLY loudly.  He's really going to town.

CHHHHWWAAATT {spit} AACCHHHAHHHWHW!! {spit}

I turn around to see where this guy is, but surprisingly I don't see anyone nearby.

CHHHHWWAAATT {spit} AACCHHHAHHHWHW!! {spit} {cough, HACK, cough}

Then I realize that the guy is in the men's bathroom. He was that loud!  It literally sounded like he was right behind me, coughing up a lung, even though he was inside the bathroom.



Now, normally, you can't hear what's going on inside a bathroom. But this airport's restrooms have short tiled corridors that lead into the restroom (so that people with luggage can get in and out easily.) So this guy must be at the sink in the bathroom, coughing his brains out, and the curved corridor leading into the restroom IS AMPLIFYING THE SOUND TOWARDS THE SEATING AREA.


Seriously, it was REALLY loud.

CHHHHWWAAAAA!!!   CCHHHAHHHWHW!!

He must have been coughing, hacking, spitting for a good 60 seconds. (Probably some sort of small animal stuck in his throat.)



Of course, during this time, I'm trying to picture what this guy must look like. Based on the sound alone, I had pictured some overweight, unshaven construction worker, with a dirty workshirt, toolbelt, untied boots, and (of course) butt crack showing. (If you had been there and heard the same coughing that I heard, you would have come to the same conclusion.)



But then the guy walks out of the bathroom, and he's a skinny, 5-foot-tall Asian dude in a suit! I was dumbfounded! I have no idea how he possibly could cough that hard without killing himself. Such big sounds coming from such a small man. Miracle of miracles.


Anyway, that was my morning in the airport. Pretty typical I guess.

What the...??

I'm packing up my clothes in the hotel room last night, and as I'm folding (read: haphazardly rolling up) my few button-down shirts, I suddenly notice something I hadn't seen before. On the front bottom corner of the shirt, my last name is written in black ink.  Weird, right?


You are probably thinking that's not so weird.  A lot of people tag their clothes.  But in this case, this is quite weird.  For several reasons:

First, I definitely did not write my name on any of my shirts.
Second, it's not my handwriting.

And third....

my last name is not STIEVEL!!

Someone else clearly wrote my name (incorrectly) on my shirt (although I'm guessing it was not while I was wearing the shirt.)


Then I realize the same thing is written on ALL my button-down shirts!

What the hell??

I don't know if I'll ever figure out who did this, but my guess is that one of the dry cleaners I may have used recently decided to write my (wrong) name on my shirts.  How rude!

Another world record

FIVE mismatched socks from the laundry!  Madness!

How is this even possible?

(Note that I will still probably pair some of these up each other and wear them anyway.)

(Also note that this is not my first post about mis-matched socks,...and probably not my last.)

One of those days

Things I've spilled today:

• Cereal on the ground
• Milk on the counter
• Salad dressing on my pants
• Coffee on my shirt

I hope I don't try to hold my baby nephew tonight.  It might end badly.

Simple mental math fail

15*85 is not equal to 10*5*85

I think I need to send back my diploma.

Distractions during services

So Rosh Hashana was last week.  It's a very important and meaningful holiday, and I ended up going to services at a pretty serious synagogue in West Rogers Park (in North Chicago.)  The rabbi leading services made it super meaningful, and I was really able to focus on the prayers and the meaning of the words and everything.  I was feeling really good about everything.

But, unfortunately, I kept getting distracted.  You see, in the chaos of getting ready for the holiday, I didn't really plan my wardrobe very well.  And so, my "suit" was sort of un-coordinated.  (Ok, it was completely un-coordinated.)  I ended up wearing:

• A grey suit jacket
• A white shirt
• A red tie
• Navy blue pants
• A black belt
• One blue sock and one black sock
• Brown shoes

I know many of you are cringing right now (but probably not surprised by this.)  I think on some level, even I realized something was wrong.

But who cares?  This holiday is not about fashion.  It's about being focused.  My wardrobe shouldn't affect my praying, right?

Wrong.

Even though I was able to get focused and really concentrate for most of the services, every time I had to bow slightly, I would see my shoes and immediately think "Brown shoes?  Really?" and bam, all my focus would disappear.

Anyway, in some ways I hope God is color-blind, because I think that might be my only chance for salvation.

The small things in life

Ya gotta enjoy the small things in life.  Even if I've had a rough day or week, sometimes something small perks me up.

Like when I'm in the shower, and I accidentally drop the slippery bar of soap, but I catch it before it hits the ground.  This literally makes my day whenever it happens.

Another one bites the dust

2 hour walk in hot humid weather

+

Getting soaked in rainstorm

+

7 hour wedding

=

Another pair of pants with a hole in the crotch

Heard in library

Girl to her friend:
I counted to 100 on my fingers yesterday.  I was really bored.

Nerdiness

Yes, that is Anakin Skywalker's helmet.

And yes, it DOES fit my head.

Forgotten stories

Sometimes when I think of something to write about for the blog, I don't always have time to sit and write out a full blog post.  So I will usually email a quick note to myself about the story or anecdote I want to post about, in the hopes that I will have time later to type it up fully.

But as I was going through some of these reminder notes, I honestly cannot remember what the original story was about.  Usually the reminder note is just a title, and when I sent the original note, I thought the titles were enough to tell me what the story was.  But I am totally stumped as to what I may have been referring to.

These are the titles of these "reminders" that I recently found in my Inbox

• "Listening to radio"
• "Packing fail"
• (I assume this was a funny story about me packing...and failing)
• "It's not just me!!"
•  (I think this was a story about someone else mistakenly getting into my car)
• "Exit row armrest!"
• (I'm pretty sure this was just a picture of the armrest on my flight... I can't remember why I would have wanted to post that)
• "Revelation"
• (I'm sad I can't remember this one because it's sounds pretty important.)

And my favorite forgotten reminder...

• "Fart-o Polo"
• ....????....

Anyway, I promise I will keep trying to remember what these stories were about.  Wish me luck!

Balanced breakfast

  

Honey bunches of oats...and Reese's Pieces