(This story happened back in November/December during Hannukah, but I just got around to writing it up now. Enjoy.)
So I leave work late on a Monday night during Hannukah, and I only get back to my neighborhood in Lakeview around 11 o'clock at night. I've been travelling a fair amount for work, and I'm glad to be getting back to my apartment. But suddenly I remember that I need to light candles for Hannukah tonight.
All I need is a menorah, some candles, and a match. Pretty straightforward. (Candles go in the menorah, you light the main candle with a match, then light the rest of the candles from the main candle. Simple, yes? Understand? Good. Okay, moving on.)
I'm almost to my apartment when I realize I don't have a menorah or candles or matches or anything. (I had been travelling for the previous week, and I hadn't been in my apartment for a while. I had been lighting candles in other places.)
So I quickly hop off the bus a block early and run into Walgreen's, hoping they have stuff I can use to light candles. But all I find is a box of birthday candles. Those will do, but I can't find matches or anything resembling a menorah to put the candles in. No worries, I realize. I can create a makeshift candle-holder from some aluminum foil and light the candle from my gas stove. Brilliant!
So I buy the candles and head home, feeling pretty clever about my plan.
But when I get home, I suddenly realize....No aluminum foil in my apartment! Menorah FAIL!
It's already really late and cold, and I don't want to go back outside to get foil. So I start looking around for something else to hold the candles. It needs to be sturdy, but I need to be able to put holes in it to put the candles in. Hmmmm.... What could I possibly use????
After a minute, the answer was obvious.....
CARDBOARD BOX! (Duh)
I know what you are thinking. Cardboard boxes and fire don't mix. But if handled by a professional (such as myself), then they are perfectly suitable for a makeshift menorah. (Trust me.)
So I took a small sturdy cardboard box, poked some holes in it, and set up the candles. Realizing that there might be a slight fire hazard, I placed the box in a wide Pyrex glass pan filled with two inches of water. And then I poured a bunch of water over the box itself to make it wet, so it would be less flammable. (Brilliant, right? I know, I was pretty impressed myself.)
Next step = Lighting the main candle.
I walk over to my gas stove, turn the dial and....nothing! The pilot light is out! Foiled again!
So now I don't have any fire to light the candles. O, woe is me! What is a nice Jewish boy to do?!
So I start racking my brain to think of what I might use to light the main candle, when I get another brilliant idea....
My toaster oven!
My toaster oven has a metal coil that gets red hot to heat food. If I turn the toaster oven on High, I should be able to touch the candle wick to the coil and light it on fire. Right? Sounds like a good plan.
So I turn the oven on, wait until it gets red hot, then stick the candle wick onto the coil. Here's a summary of what happened:
1) I burned my hand (Who knew that sticking your hand into a toaster oven on High was a bad idea?)
2) The candle starts melting before the wick lights on fire. (Melted candle wax is not something you want in a toaster oven. FYI.)
3) I started to realize how funny this story was becoming.
Anyway, after I couldn't light the candle directly in the toaster oven, I start thinking about alternatives to lighting the candle. I definitely wanted to use the toaster oven, but lighting the candle directly was not working.
Again, the answer was obvious....
Paper towel!
So I roll up a small piece of paper towel, stick it against the toaster oven coil, and POOF! I have made fire!! So I quickly use the lit paper towel to light the main candle, and Success! I can now light the rest of the candles.
Well, there is still one more problem...paper towel burns really quickly! And blowing it out doesn't quite put out all the embers.
So I have a lit candle in one hand, and a smoldering piece of paper towel in my other hand giving out more and more black smoke. This is not a good situation.
So I leave work late on a Monday night during Hannukah, and I only get back to my neighborhood in Lakeview around 11 o'clock at night. I've been travelling a fair amount for work, and I'm glad to be getting back to my apartment. But suddenly I remember that I need to light candles for Hannukah tonight.
All I need is a menorah, some candles, and a match. Pretty straightforward. (Candles go in the menorah, you light the main candle with a match, then light the rest of the candles from the main candle. Simple, yes? Understand? Good. Okay, moving on.)
I'm almost to my apartment when I realize I don't have a menorah or candles or matches or anything. (I had been travelling for the previous week, and I hadn't been in my apartment for a while. I had been lighting candles in other places.)
So I quickly hop off the bus a block early and run into Walgreen's, hoping they have stuff I can use to light candles. But all I find is a box of birthday candles. Those will do, but I can't find matches or anything resembling a menorah to put the candles in. No worries, I realize. I can create a makeshift candle-holder from some aluminum foil and light the candle from my gas stove. Brilliant!
So I buy the candles and head home, feeling pretty clever about my plan.
But when I get home, I suddenly realize....No aluminum foil in my apartment! Menorah FAIL!
It's already really late and cold, and I don't want to go back outside to get foil. So I start looking around for something else to hold the candles. It needs to be sturdy, but I need to be able to put holes in it to put the candles in. Hmmmm.... What could I possibly use????
After a minute, the answer was obvious.....
CARDBOARD BOX! (Duh)
I know what you are thinking. Cardboard boxes and fire don't mix. But if handled by a professional (such as myself), then they are perfectly suitable for a makeshift menorah. (Trust me.)
So I took a small sturdy cardboard box, poked some holes in it, and set up the candles. Realizing that there might be a slight fire hazard, I placed the box in a wide Pyrex glass pan filled with two inches of water. And then I poured a bunch of water over the box itself to make it wet, so it would be less flammable. (Brilliant, right? I know, I was pretty impressed myself.)
Next step = Lighting the main candle.
I walk over to my gas stove, turn the dial and....nothing! The pilot light is out! Foiled again!
So now I don't have any fire to light the candles. O, woe is me! What is a nice Jewish boy to do?!
So I start racking my brain to think of what I might use to light the main candle, when I get another brilliant idea....
My toaster oven!
My toaster oven has a metal coil that gets red hot to heat food. If I turn the toaster oven on High, I should be able to touch the candle wick to the coil and light it on fire. Right? Sounds like a good plan.
So I turn the oven on, wait until it gets red hot, then stick the candle wick onto the coil. Here's a summary of what happened:
1) I burned my hand (Who knew that sticking your hand into a toaster oven on High was a bad idea?)
2) The candle starts melting before the wick lights on fire. (Melted candle wax is not something you want in a toaster oven. FYI.)
3) I started to realize how funny this story was becoming.
Anyway, after I couldn't light the candle directly in the toaster oven, I start thinking about alternatives to lighting the candle. I definitely wanted to use the toaster oven, but lighting the candle directly was not working.
Again, the answer was obvious....
Paper towel!
So I roll up a small piece of paper towel, stick it against the toaster oven coil, and POOF! I have made fire!! So I quickly use the lit paper towel to light the main candle, and Success! I can now light the rest of the candles.
Well, there is still one more problem...paper towel burns really quickly! And blowing it out doesn't quite put out all the embers.
So I have a lit candle in one hand, and a smoldering piece of paper towel in my other hand giving out more and more black smoke. This is not a good situation.
But then I remember about the Pyrex full of water! So run over to the Pyrex and throw the burning paper towel in there. FINALLY, I have no more obstacles between me and a fully lit menorah.
So I go ahead and finish lighting the candles and step back to enjoy the sight...
Just like God intended
So that's my story, folks. Crazy? Perhaps. Typical for me? Probably.
PS. One more thing. About a half-hour after I took the above picture, the cardboard box lit on fire (surprise surprise), and I had to put it out with water. But that's just a side story. Not that interesting.
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