Chapstick

Thing I learned today:  If you are in the office and in need of chapstick, don't call the guy in charge of office supplies.  He does not stock chapstick in his supply closet (and he will also laugh at you.)

Late

We've all been late for the train or bus.  It happens.  But sometimes you get lucky and the train is also running late, so you actually end up catching the train.

But you know you're really running late when you still miss your train, even though it showed up 30 minutes late.

Headline on the internet

"The creator of MadLibs died yesterday. He was seventy-poop years old."

Realization

I should not be allowed to go clothes-shopping unsupervised because I'm an impulse buyer with bad fashion sense.

Shalom

I said "Shalom" to a random guy on the train this morning who I thought was wearing a yarmulke.  Turns out he just had a really bad comb-over.

In the airport

7:30 am, Thursday morning, Buffalo Niagara airport
So I'm sitting in the airport earlier this morning, waiting for my flight. There were a lot of people sitting in my designated gate, so I was sitting in one of the empty gates that wasn't being used. So there are only 1-2 people anywhere near me. It's early morning, and it's very quiet, very peaceful. There is gentle music playing over the speaker system overhead.
All of a sudden....

CHWWAAAAA kyooo!!  CCHHHAAAA kyooo!!

Breaking the silence is some guy hawking a lugee nearby. Really REALLY loudly.  He's really going to town.

CHHHHWWAAATT {spit} AACCHHHAHHHWHW!! {spit}

I turn around to see where this guy is, but surprisingly I don't see anyone nearby.

CHHHHWWAAATT {spit} AACCHHHAHHHWHW!! {spit} {cough, HACK, cough}

Then I realize that the guy is in the men's bathroom. He was that loud!  It literally sounded like he was right behind me, coughing up a lung, even though he was inside the bathroom.



Now, normally, you can't hear what's going on inside a bathroom. But this airport's restrooms have short tiled corridors that lead into the restroom (so that people with luggage can get in and out easily.) So this guy must be at the sink in the bathroom, coughing his brains out, and the curved corridor leading into the restroom IS AMPLIFYING THE SOUND TOWARDS THE SEATING AREA.


Seriously, it was REALLY loud.

CHHHHWWAAAAA!!!   CCHHHAHHHWHW!!

He must have been coughing, hacking, spitting for a good 60 seconds. (Probably some sort of small animal stuck in his throat.)



Of course, during this time, I'm trying to picture what this guy must look like. Based on the sound alone, I had pictured some overweight, unshaven construction worker, with a dirty workshirt, toolbelt, untied boots, and (of course) butt crack showing. (If you had been there and heard the same coughing that I heard, you would have come to the same conclusion.)



But then the guy walks out of the bathroom, and he's a skinny, 5-foot-tall Asian dude in a suit! I was dumbfounded! I have no idea how he possibly could cough that hard without killing himself. Such big sounds coming from such a small man. Miracle of miracles.


Anyway, that was my morning in the airport. Pretty typical I guess.

What the...??

I'm packing up my clothes in the hotel room last night, and as I'm folding (read: haphazardly rolling up) my few button-down shirts, I suddenly notice something I hadn't seen before. On the front bottom corner of the shirt, my last name is written in black ink.  Weird, right?


You are probably thinking that's not so weird.  A lot of people tag their clothes.  But in this case, this is quite weird.  For several reasons:

First, I definitely did not write my name on any of my shirts.
Second, it's not my handwriting.

And third....

my last name is not STIEVEL!!

Someone else clearly wrote my name (incorrectly) on my shirt (although I'm guessing it was not while I was wearing the shirt.)


Then I realize the same thing is written on ALL my button-down shirts!

What the hell??

I don't know if I'll ever figure out who did this, but my guess is that one of the dry cleaners I may have used recently decided to write my (wrong) name on my shirts.  How rude!

Another world record

FIVE mismatched socks from the laundry!  Madness!

How is this even possible?

(Note that I will still probably pair some of these up each other and wear them anyway.)

(Also note that this is not my first post about mis-matched socks,...and probably not my last.)

One of those days

Things I've spilled today:

• Cereal on the ground
• Milk on the counter
• Salad dressing on my pants
• Coffee on my shirt

I hope I don't try to hold my baby nephew tonight.  It might end badly.

Simple mental math fail

15*85 is not equal to 10*5*85

I think I need to send back my diploma.

Distractions during services

So Rosh Hashana was last week.  It's a very important and meaningful holiday, and I ended up going to services at a pretty serious synagogue in West Rogers Park (in North Chicago.)  The rabbi leading services made it super meaningful, and I was really able to focus on the prayers and the meaning of the words and everything.  I was feeling really good about everything.

But, unfortunately, I kept getting distracted.  You see, in the chaos of getting ready for the holiday, I didn't really plan my wardrobe very well.  And so, my "suit" was sort of un-coordinated.  (Ok, it was completely un-coordinated.)  I ended up wearing:

• A grey suit jacket
• A white shirt
• A red tie
• Navy blue pants
• A black belt
• One blue sock and one black sock
• Brown shoes

I know many of you are cringing right now (but probably not surprised by this.)  I think on some level, even I realized something was wrong.

But who cares?  This holiday is not about fashion.  It's about being focused.  My wardrobe shouldn't affect my praying, right?

Wrong.

Even though I was able to get focused and really concentrate for most of the services, every time I had to bow slightly, I would see my shoes and immediately think "Brown shoes?  Really?" and bam, all my focus would disappear.

Anyway, in some ways I hope God is color-blind, because I think that might be my only chance for salvation.

The small things in life

Ya gotta enjoy the small things in life.  Even if I've had a rough day or week, sometimes something small perks me up.

Like when I'm in the shower, and I accidentally drop the slippery bar of soap, but I catch it before it hits the ground.  This literally makes my day whenever it happens.

Another one bites the dust

2 hour walk in hot humid weather

+

Getting soaked in rainstorm

+

7 hour wedding

=

Another pair of pants with a hole in the crotch

Heard in library

Girl to her friend:
I counted to 100 on my fingers yesterday.  I was really bored.

Nerdiness

Yes, that is Anakin Skywalker's helmet.

And yes, it DOES fit my head.

Forgotten stories

Sometimes when I think of something to write about for the blog, I don't always have time to sit and write out a full blog post.  So I will usually email a quick note to myself about the story or anecdote I want to post about, in the hopes that I will have time later to type it up fully.

But as I was going through some of these reminder notes, I honestly cannot remember what the original story was about.  Usually the reminder note is just a title, and when I sent the original note, I thought the titles were enough to tell me what the story was.  But I am totally stumped as to what I may have been referring to.

These are the titles of these "reminders" that I recently found in my Inbox

• "Listening to radio"
• "Packing fail"
• (I assume this was a funny story about me packing...and failing)
• "It's not just me!!"
•  (I think this was a story about someone else mistakenly getting into my car)
• "Exit row armrest!"
• (I'm pretty sure this was just a picture of the armrest on my flight... I can't remember why I would have wanted to post that)
• "Revelation"
• (I'm sad I can't remember this one because it's sounds pretty important.)

And my favorite forgotten reminder...

• "Fart-o Polo"
• ....????....

Anyway, I promise I will keep trying to remember what these stories were about.  Wish me luck!

Balanced breakfast

  

Honey bunches of oats...and Reese's Pieces

Note to self

Next time I spend an hour running a major data query on a database with 300,000 lines and 2500 variables, I should probably not depend on the variable with the name DONOTUSETHISVARIABLE.

Heard in the office this week

Person 1: (to everone in the room) Who here likes peanut butter jelly sandwiches?
Person 2: Eh...I don't like peanut butter.
Person 3: What?! Do you also not like freedom?
Person 2: It's too crunchy
Person 3: Crunchy like liberty?

(Not funny?  C'mon! It's a patriotic joke about peanut butter.  It *must* be funny!  Or I guess you just had to be there.)

Something I learned tonight

Amanda Bynes was in a movie called "She's the man".

In Israel, this movie is called "Yesh la baytzim" in Hebrew.

Literal translation: She's got balls.

Almost walked onto a down escalator the wrong way

Lesson learned: Don't read messages on my phone while walking through the airport

Oatmeal fail

Made a bowl of oatmeal.  Brought it back to my desk.  Got distracted.  10 minutes later, oatmeal is totally inedible.  FML.

(I didn't think I could accurately describe the oatmeal's inedidibility in words, so I took a picture.)

Turned the bowl 90 degrees, Zero oatmeal movement

In hindsight, I probably should not have held the bowl over my laptop, but according to my friend Teddy:  "laptop risk >10% is blogworthy"

Lesson learned

A few weeks back, I ran out of clean white undershirts.  But I obviously still needed to get dressed for work, so I improvised.  I turned a mostly white T-shirt inside-out and put it on underneath my button-down shirt.

Brilliant.

Except that when I got to work, half of my co-workers immediately pointed out that the tag to my "undershirt" was blatantly sticking out under my chin.

(Is this better or worse than wearing blue and black socks together?)

Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I was a neurotic drug dealer's assistant.  My job was to count his money, which consisted of exactly 4 dollar bills that he had just gotten paid.  I counted these 4 dollars over and over again to assure him that he got paid correctly.  I literally counted the money a few dozen times.

And even though I only had to count to 4, it was actually pretty difficult.  But no worries, I did a good job.

Clearly I have a future in math...

Sunday heat wave

I'm sitting in my apartment this past Sunday afternoon, shvitzing.  It's really hot for some reason, even though I have the AC and fan on full blast.  It's been getting hotter and hotter all afternoon, and I can't figure out why the AC is not working.  It's a small apartment;  it shouldn't be that hard for the AC to cool everything down.

Then I realize my oven was still on from the lunch I had heated up 4 hours earlier.

Conference Call Catch 22

A few Thursdays ago, I was flying home to Detroit for the July 4 weekend.  My flight landed at 5 pm Detroit time, and my dad was picking me up from the airport.

I got some work done on the plane, but inevitably I fell asleep mid-flight (obviously).  I was asleep all the way until the wheels hit the ground, which woke me up.  (What a great nap!)

Anyway, as we're taxi-ing to the gate, I decide to check my phone for any updates from work or emails from my team.

Bing!  A meeting reminder pops up telling me that there is a work conference call going on that started 20 minutes earlier.  I had thought I would miss that meeting entirely because of my flight.  But I guess my flight landed earlier than scheduled.  Thinking that the meeting was just an informal check-in between a few people from my team, I decide they won't mind me joining the call a few minutes late.

So I dial in, and the conference call system asks me to state my name.  Still a bit groggy from my nap, I say:

"Umm.....David"

The system broadcasts to everyone:

"Beep! -Ummm....David-...has joined the meeting."

But then I hear a bunch of people talking on the line.  And not just any "people".  I hear the VP of the client company talking to a few other significant client reprepesntatives, as well as my manager and a few others.

I had called 20 minutes late to a full client work meeting, not a small informal discussion with my team.  And the conference call system had loudly announced my groggy tardy arrival over speakerphone to everyone in the room!

Since I was still on the plane where it was a bit loud with everyone around, I quickly put my phone on mute.  (Good thinking!)

But now my real problem had started.  I was on mute on this conference call (which was good), but I couldn't hang up now because then the system would announce my departure!

"Beep!  Umm....David....has left the meeting."  (Grrr...Stupid automated systems!)

I was stuck!

But it gets better....because I needed to call my dad to tell him to swing the car around to the airport terminal to pick me up.  He was waiting for me to call, but I had (stupidly) called the conference line first.  How was I supposed to reach him now?

I was tempted to try putting the conference call on hold, so I could call my dad on the other line.  But then I realized that with my luck, I would probably end up 3-way calling my dad into the conference call, where all the clients in the meeting would hear me talking to him about where to pick me up!  (Now that would be a blog post!)

So instead, I try texting my sister, asking her to call my dad, but I don't get any response from her.

In the meantime, I've gotten off the plane, and I'm wandering around the airport terminal, with my phone in my pocket, on mute and on speakerphone.  I'm waiting for the meeting to end so I can call my dad.  In a nutshell, I'm an idiot.  Once again, I find myself in a situation that only I can get into.

Finally, after 20 minutes, I decide to walk outside to see if maybe my dad had driven up to the terminal anyway.  No such luck.  He is still waiting for my call.

So I go up to some random business-y looking guy on the bench outside, and I ask him if I can use his phone because "my phone ran out of batteries."  I'm not sure if he noticed my phone clearly making noises in my shirt pocket, but regardless, he lets me use his phone.  I call my dad; he picks me up, and finally the meeting ends about 5 minutes before we get home.

Some wisdom learned

Swiping my credit card will not open my hotel door, no matter how many times I do it.

Mixed drinks at work

Seltzer and orange juice = Delicious
Seltzer and hot coffee = Not so delicious

Waste of time (and thumbs)

My laptop froze today during the log-in screen.  Well, actually, it was only sort-of frozen.  I won't get into the details, but ultimately it wouldn't let me do anything even though it seemed to still be trying to log in.  So I decide to wait for it to unfreeze.  (For some reason, I decided to be patient, not sure why.)

Anyway.....15 minutes later, it's still stuck.  So I decide to call the Tech Help guys in my office.  But why make a phone call when I can send an email through my phone!  So I decide to simply take a picture of the frozen computer screen and send it to them through my phone.  Makes sense, right?

So I snap the photo and start typing up an email on my phone explaining the problem.  I'm trying to explain the nuances of the "sort-of-frozen-ness" of the screen, and I even re-read the email and re-wrote a few sentences to make sure I was being crystal clear.

After a few minutes of typing, my thumbs are quite numb, but the email is finished and polished and ready to send.

But of course, at that exact moment....DA DA DUH DAH (aka. Windows log-in music.)

The computer unfroze and logged me in, but only after I had paralyzed my thumbs trying to craft an email to the IT guys about it.

Rock in my shoe

So my left shoe was making noises all day at work yesterday and today.  I thought maybe it was just the carpet at the office, or perhaps just the inside sole had come loose again.

But then I realized it didn't sound like that at all.  Instead, it sounded like a maraca.

So I sit down, take off my shoe, and lo and behold....

The sole of my shoe is frikkin' hollow!

A squirrel could've stored an entire season of nuts in there!

Anyway, I removed the rock and all is better.  (But I'm pretty sure this will end up happening every day until I get the shoe replaced (again.)

Stiebel does something stupid #286

I was driving in Seattle this past Sunday afternoon.  I got to a 3-way intersection and stopped to let a minivan taxi cab go ahead of me.  Instead of going ahead, the driver sort of waves and points behind me.

I'm not sure what he's pointing at, so I wave him ahead again.  But he keeps pointing behind me.

So I think maybe there are some cars waiting behind me, and he wants me to go first.  But when I look out my rear-view mirror, I don't see any cars.  And since I'm not in a rush and I'm in an overly-polite mood, I wave the cabbie ahead of me again.

He continues to gesture behind me.  I check the rear-view mirror again, and I still can't see any cars behind me.  But then my brain catches up to my eyes, and I realize that I can't see anything behind me!  All I see is shiny red...which happens to be the color of my car trunk.

I'd been driving with my trunk all the way open.

Needless to say, the cabbie had a good laugh at my expense.

At least I wasn't driving with the hood of my car open.  That would've been awkward!

Have you ever....

Have you ever tried to roll up your sleeve, and just as you tug it the last few inches past your elbow, your fingers slip and you punch yourself in the face?

I have.

Fish catching and throwing

I almost forgot the best part about my Sunday trip in downtown Seattle.

I caught a fish at the market!

yes, that is a full-size salmon

I've seen videos of these guys throwing fish back and forth, so I asked one of them if they let other people try, and he did!

Here's a video of them in action:



The one unfortunate thing about catching that fish was that I didn't get a chance to wash my hands for a good 4 hours afterward.  :)

Pike's Place Market

Last Sunday, I walked around downtown Seattle with one of my new local friends Gavi.  There were several highlights to this outing, but certainly the sights and sounds of Pike's Place market were the best.

Pike's Place market is basically a huge open-air market and bazaar, with a bajillion shops and eateries and attractions and people.  It's pretty cool just to walk around, (which is exactly what we did.)

A quick highlight reel:

The mose delicious piece of technology I have ever seen.

completely automated mini-donut machine - AWESOME!

A very talented one-handed Rubik's cuber dude

one-handed Rubik's cube while spinning a giant tray

with the other hand, solved in 1:06 minutes.

And he's cute, too!

A giant nuclear missile being marched down the street

i hope they have a permit for that thing

An X-rated Starbucks coffee shop....sort of

this is their original logo, apparently

A 1920s porno machine...sort of

It was literally just a series of pictures of a

fully-dressed woman standing in a bathroom

 Other highlights included:

• doing magic tricks for the people working in the magic shop,
• asking for multiple samples from the chocolate stand,
• reading inappropriate passages from sci-fi novels outloud in the used bookstore,
• almost dumping water all over a table of classic books at same bookstore,
• pretending to use the bathroom at a restaurant just so I could ask for a plastic fork on my way out

All in all, a good day in Seattle.

9 year old kid with flamboyant sequin shirt walks in front of me on street.

I was thinking about writing up a detailed account of this particular event from last Sunday in Seattle, but I think the title says it all.

long-sleeve, bright purple, 100% sequin shirt

His entire family was dressed totally normal, but for some reason he decided to go a different route today.  He wasn't even wearing tap shoes or a feather boa or anything that would have at least suggested he was coming back from some sort of school performance.

(And props to me for snapping this photo without stopping and without bring attention or humiliation to myself.)

Possibly awkward moment from last week

I went to dinner in Seattle with my friend Jeremy and his mom (who was visiting him for a few days.)  We went to a Chinese place near downtown, and when the fortune cookies came, we each took one and shared our fortunes with one another.

Jeremy's and my fortune were pretty standard.  Something about good luck or something.

This is what Jeremy's mom got:

"in bed" is sort of redundant here.

I couldn't quite tell if it was an awkward moment, but it sure was funny.  And I was very tempted to ask Jeremy directly about what he thought of his mom's fortune, but I decided against starting that conversation at the table.

All in all, a very pleasant dinner.  Thank you Jeremy's mom!

killing time

let me tell you where i am right now.

i'm currently sitting in my compact rental car, parked in a synagogue parking lot, in the pouring rain, on my laptop, with my cell phone on speaker, waiting for one last team member to join a conference call that was supposed to start 30 minutes ago.  But since it's totally unclear when we will actually be starting....

...I have some time to kill.

let me tell you, compact cars are not meant for office work.  Even though I have the drivers' seat pushed all the way back, I still can't fit my laptop comfortably in front of me, so I'm sitting at an awkward angle, with my laptop uncomfortably balanced between my right thigh and the steering wheel.  And my fingers are going numb, one by one, because of the awkward way in which I'm trying to type.  (currently, my right ring finger and elbow are out-of-commission.  ouch.)

anyway, there is really not much more to tell about my situation, so i'm going to stop typing, let my finger(s) heal, and get back to this not-yet-started, oh-so-exciting conference call.

ciao!

Status Update

A quick status update:

I've been commuting to Seattle (from Chicago) every week for the last month, and it looks like I will continue to do so for the next 3-5 months.  (Some of that time may also be spent in Denver overseeing a project launch at a company call center.)  We are doing some interesting work for a big client out here, and I'm really enjoying the project.  I'm excited to see our results over the next few months.

Outside of work, I've mainly been trying to get accustomed to this crazy travel schedule, and I think I've done a fair job so far.  I haven't lost any of my stuff yet (I think), and I'm pretty sure I'm not broke (I think).  And my frequent flyer and hotel points are racking up pretty well, so hopefully I can start using those soon.

One major issue:
I've been eating WAY too much while on the road.  This is definitely a challenge I'm facing.  The kosher food in Seattle is really good (in my opinion), and it's pretty easy to get to the various restaurants with a car.  But I'm trying to keep myself to a (relatively) healthy schedule:

Breakfast: Juice, banana, granola bar (at my desk)
Lunch: Soup + Salad (at the nearby pizza shop)
Dinner: Pasta or Pizza (at the pizza shop or the downtown Chinese place)

This is a pretty good schedule, but sometimes I can't resist getting a slice of pizza (mmmm.....) instead of a salad for lunch.  And occassionally I'll have pizza for dinner....and then somehow find myself at the Chinese place later for a second dinner!  I call it the Sweet-and-Sour Buddha-Basket diet.

I'm also still sorting out where to spend my weekends.  So far, I've been alternating between Chicago and Seattle for weekends, and I like both.  But there are more people in Chicago to hang out with, so those weekends tend to be a bit more interesting.  But Seattle is absolutely beautiful, so it's definitely worth it to spend some leisure time wandering around this area.  I'm hoping to make a day trip to the Cascade Mountains at some point, or at the very least go swimming when it's warmer.

Anyway, that's all I have for now.  Thanks for reading!

Oops

My daily routine includes stopping by a grocery store every morning on my way to the office in Seattle.  I park my car right near the front door, walk in, grab some bananas, pay, walk out, and drive the rest of the way to work.  Pretty much every day.  Like clockwork.

Except for today.

Today things turned out a little different.

I park my car, walk in, grab some food, I pay, I walk out, and walk to my car.  I click the unlock button on my key fob, listen for the click-beep that tells me the door is unlocked.  I open the door, and climb into the car.

But just as I am half into the driver's seat, I notice that there is a lady loading groceries into the passenger-side door.  And there is stuff in the backseat that I don't recognize.

And the car is a different color.

Oops.

"Um, this is my car," says the lady in a surprisingly calm manner, considering a strange man just climbed into her car outside the grocery store.

I start apologizing profusely, trying to show her how funny the situation is, but I think she just wanted me to get away from her car.

Anyway, it was not the typical start to a morning.

Loophole

Pizza place in Seattle closed a significant loophole in their drink policy.

Darn.

Words of wisdom

Don't wear a white shirt while eating hot melty pizza with one hand while driving.

Encounter with a Senior Vice President

Not a huge deal, but one of the Senior Vice Presidents of my client company was washing his hands in the men's bathroom at the same time as me today. And I didn't embarrass myself.

Pretty cool, Stiebel.

More cowbell

My case team meeting took a strange turn today.

I was meeting with four people from my team earlier today, including two of my bosses.  Right before diving into the business nitty-gritty, we were informally discussing things we did this past weekend.  One of the older consultants from San Francisco says that he had a cold all weekend, but that it allowed him to catch up on his TV and movie watching.  And then he asks us if we've seen the Christopher Walken/SNL/Cowbell sketch.

Of course I've seen that sketch, I cry.  It's only one of the greatest SNL sketches ever! I start laughing with him about it, but then I realize that the other three people on the team have no idea what we're laughing about.  They've never seen the SNL Cowbell sketch!  !!!

I try to explain the sketch to them, but then instead I suggest that we simply watch it on the overhead projector (which we were suppposed to be using for our meeting.)  My manager decides that we will watch it after we finish the meeting.  And so, the meeting goes on.

Literally the moment we finished the meeting agenda, the manager immediately says, "Ok, get on Hulu and show us this sketch, because I don't think it's as funny as you say it is.  I'm not expecting much."

So the older consultant starts searching Hulu, but he's having a hard time finding it.  So he simultaneously searches YouTube, but still can't find it.  Meanwhile, the three cowbell-virgins are starting to lose focus.

Finally, he finds a copy of the video, but it keeps pausing every 3 seconds to buffer.  So he pauses it to let it load, and asks everyone to wait.  By this time, the rest of the team is pretty well distracted with their notes and emails and whatnot.

So when he finally clicks play, the sketch starts going but only he and I are watching it.  We are laughing hysterically while the other three are not really following the sketch.  They glance up now and then with a WTF expression on their faces, but they are clearly not appreciating the greatness of the sketch.  It's just me and him laughing at every funny quote ("I have a fever, fellas...., and the only prescription...is more cowbell), at every Will Ferrell hip gyration, and at every line that Jimmy Fallon fails to deliver with a straight-face, while the rest of the team sits quietly looking at us in bewilderment.

What an odd way to end a team meeting.

More Cowbell - SNL Sketch Video

A day that will live in infamy

(This story happened more than a month ago, but I only now got the chance to type it up.  Hope it's worth the wait.)

Date: Wednesday, March 3
Location: Chicago

Another long day at the office with nothing to do.  Training had ended almost 3 weeks ago, and I still had not been staffed to a business case.  There were a handful of other guys in the office who were also unstaffed with me, so I didn't feel so terrible, but as the weeks drag on, it gets a bit frustrating.

The main issue is that first-time unstaffed consultants still have to show their face in the office each day.  Not for the whole day, but at least once.  And so, every day, I would roll in whenever I felt like it and roll out whenever I felt like it.  (How could I complain?)  And during the few hours I was in the office each day, I could do anything I wanted (aka Connect-4 and pool.)

And so on a fateful Wednesday in early March, after 3+ weeks of uneventful unstaffed days, I decided to leave the office early to go see a matinee movie.  (Because why not?)  I had already shown my face in the office, and I could leave whenever I wanted.

I get one of the other unstaffed guys to come with me, and we decide to go see Hurt Locker at 2 pm at a theater northwest of the office.  About a 20 minute rideon the blue line subway.  And my plan was to head straight home after the movie, which was a 40 minute bus-ride directly East.

So the movie starts and that's when the real story begins.

About halfway through the movie, Bing! I get an email (on my phone) from my staffing manager:

David, I got some work for you to do.  Client development with one of the office partners.  Please contact him for more information.

AAAAGHHGHGH!!  Of all the days to go see a movie in the middle-of-nowhere northwest Chicago!  I couldn't believe my luck.  I'd been unstaffed for weeks, loitering around the office doing nothing.  The minute I change my normal routine, BAM!  Client Development work.

After recovering from the shock, I shoot a quick email to the partner asking for more information about the work ("I'm looking forward to working on this exciting project!"), and continue watching the last half-hour of the movie (I paid a good $3 for that movie!)

When the movie ends, I decide to go home and work from there (instead of trekking back downtown).  My friend from work decides to go back downtown.  So I scramble out of the theater looking for the #76 bus that would get me home by 6 pm.  It was just pulling up to the stop, so I hop on, settle in for the long ride, and try to collect my thoughts.

But the bus is packed, and I'm sitting awkwardly amongst a group of 5 high-schoolers.  They're babbling and joking about some unmentionable topics (though quite hilarious.)  And there are two older men standing near the door twitching and sweating profusely.  I'm pretty sure they were tripping on drugs or in withdrawal from drugs.  And at every stop, more and more people are getting on, and the bus is hot, and the sun in directly in my eyes.  It's not a comfortable ride, and I'm looking forward to getting home soon.

But after 20 minutes, I realize I'm not recognizing any of the cross streets.

Then I realize, to my horror.

I'd been traveling WEST the entire time.

Dammit!  I quickly get off the bus, cross the street and start looking for a cab.  But I'm in west Chicago.  This is not "easily-hail-a-cab" town.  This is "get-mugged-if-you're-not-careful" town.

So I just start walking.  There are lots of cars going by me, but no cabs and no buses.

And then the situation gets even worse.

Bing!  Email from the partner:

Hi David, Thanks for helping out with this project.  Can you do a conference call right now with me and one of the managers?  It shouldn't take long.  Thanks.

AAAAGHHGHGH!!

I'm on the side of a busy road in a shady neighborhood in west Chicago as the sun is setting.  And he wants me to do a conference call?  I'm not even comfortable showing my Blackberry in this place!

But this is my first staffed opportunity.  I don't want to screw it up by delaying the project.  (And I certainly don't want to admit that I stupidly went to go see a movie in west Chicago.)  First impressions are important, right?

So I accept the conference call invitation (ugh).  But then I realize that the cars on the street are making a lot of noise in the background.  So I do the most intelligent thing I could think of:  I take the call into a quiet back-alley behind a mechanic's garage, right near a string of dumpsters.  (Obviously.)

The alley wasn't all that bad.  It was a bit dirty, yes, and every now and then a car would drive by and the driver would give me a funny look.  (I must have looked like a high-class drug dealer closing a long-distance deal by phone.)  And there was also this creepy black cat staring at me the entire time.

But other than those things, a back-alley at nightfall is not such a bad place to hold a 30-minute conference call about the Pharmaceutical industry.  :)

Also, about 5 minutes into the call, I suddenly realize I should be taking notes, so I scramble in my backpack with my free hand looking for the one half-broken pen I have in there, and I proceed to take notes on a notepad perched against the garage wall, trying to keep my phone from falling off my shoulder.  But the pen is sort of broken (of course), so most of the notes are just indentations in the paper.

Finally, the call ends, and I resume trying to get home.  After walking another 30 minutes, I finally catch an eastbound bus (trust me, I checked the direction 4 times.)  And finally, FINALLY, I make it home (in one piece) by 7:30 pm.

And the entire time, all I can think about is, "I can't wait to post this on the blog."

Exercise!

After eating 600 pounds of food (approximately) over the last week, I felt the need to exercise this weekend....And I actually did!

16.11 miles, 60 minutes, (and it should say ~750 calories)

I know it's hard to believe, but I actually did that much exercise, willingly.  I might not be the most motivated person when it comes to working out, but if you stuff me with enough food, guilt becomes a powerful motivator.

Breakfast this morning

making up for last night

Dinner last night

mmmm...garlic fries

Socks

Under my car...?

Like the apple pie, I don't understand how or why this type of weird stuff keeps ending up on/around my car.

An older, female version of myself

I met my match on my flight to Seattle today.  More specifically, the person sitting next to me repeatedly did things that reminded me of myself.

First, at the start of the flight, she starts sneezing.  Not once or twice, but like a dozen times.  And drawn out over like 10 minutes.  I thought her sneezing fit  might actually last the whole flight.  (Now that would be a blog post!)

Anyway, after the sneezing show, I promptly fall asleep (obviously.)  Apparently after an hour or two, she wants to get up, but I'm sitting in the aisle.

So then the real show begins:
I suddenly wake up to this middle-aged woman trying to squeeze through the six inches of leg space in front of me.  I try to get up to make room for her, and she flusteringly apologizes for waking me up.  But instead of waiting for me to get up, she motions that she can get by without my help, and then she accidentally knocks her cup of water all over my cell phone!  So now she's really flustery and apologizing madly, and my cell phone is wet, and I'm still half-asleep standing in the aisle.

I couldn't help but grin the whole time.  This is exactly the type of klutz stuff that I do all the time.  She must be my kindred spirit!  I almost hugged her on the spot.

Why you shouldn't wear your teenage daughter's clothes in public

Saw this guy in the airport this morning

The shirt says:

My boyfriend will kill me if you hit on me ;)

Crisis

The cotton-part of a Q-tip got stuck deep in my ear.  Crap!!

Update:
Five minutes and a bent paper clip - All is back to normal.  Carry on.

Best Valet Ever

(I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical erros appear in this entry.  I'm trying to type this with tears of laughter in my eyes.)

For the last two nights, I've used the hotel's valet to park my car (because it's included in my room cost.)  The guys working valet are very nice, and it's been fun pretending to be all important while they take care of my vehicle.

So last night, I pull in, and this one middle-aged valet worker takes my car.  And just before I walk off, he says, "Have a good night, and Shalom!"

Hilarious, right?  But I've had people say stuff like that to me all the time.  Wearing a yarmulke gets you some great reactions from people all over the place.  (Like the 7-foot tall, 400-pound bouncer who gave me a hug and told me we were brothers because he also reads the bible.  Or the guy who came up to me on the bus one day last summer and asked me if I "was of the Jewish persuasion," so he could ask me some questions about religion.)

Anyway, this valet guy says Shalom to me, which is very nice.  So I chuckle, and go inside while he parks my car.  The next evening, I pull into the hotel again after work, and the same valet guy walks up to the car.  And I actually smile because I'm expecting he will say Shalom again.

Boy did I underestimate this guy.

As we're standing outside the car, he starts to tell me his story:

"So before Seattle I was in the Navy, maritime, for 20 years.  I went all over the place: England, Barcelona, (names some other cities), Morocco, Haifa, Israel."

I think to myself: Cool, the guy has been to Israel.  That's one step above just saying Shalom.

But he keeps going:

"So one time I was flying from Barcelona to New York, and I was sitting next to this rabbi the whole time.  And during the flight, he taught me how to sing the entire Hava Nagila."

...wait, what?  Did he really just say that?

"Yeah, I learned the whole thing.  Wanna hear it?"

Um, of course.

"Hava nagila, hava nagila, hava nagila, v'nism'cha..."

And he sings the whole damn song!!  Right there on the street in front of the hotel!!  Granted, a lot of it was gibberish, but c'mon!  How ridiculous is that?!

Needless to say, I had to pick up my jaw off the floor.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing (and hearing.)  I also had to restrain myself from asking to record him singing.

(This also reminds me of the famous AEPi Weiner Circle video.  I included the link here, but note that it's got some very inappropriate language in it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1Y2wV_xTTc )

More stupid things in Seattle

Monday afternoon

I pick up my friend Jeremy in Seattle to go to dinner, but since I'm still getting used to my rental car, I put the car into drive instead of reverse and almost rear-end his car.  Oops!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Monday evening
I try calling my Dad in Detroit to say hello. I calculate that it's 10:30 PM Detroit-time, but when he picks up the phone, he sounds extremely sleepy and tired. After about 10 seconds, I remember that I'm in Seattle, which is definitely not in Chicago. So it's actually 12:30 AM in Detroit. Sorry, Aba!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wednesday afternoon, in the office
I'm working at my desk, while finishing off a Greek salad from lunch.  Nothing too interesting going on.  I yawn... rub my eyes....and successfully get some of the dressing in my eye.  Brilliant.
Of course, I don't have any napkins nearby to wipe my eyes, so I have to walk all the way to the bathroom with bloodshoot and teary eyes in order to wash my eyes out with water.  (The salad was delicious, by the way.)

Not the best choice of words

So it's late Tuesday night.  I'm in my hotel room preparing for bed.  I call the front desk to schedule a wake up call.  The lady politely asks me if I need anything else.  On a whim, I decide to ask if they have any Neosporin-type ointment for a small cut I have on my ear.  I doubted that they had it, but I thought I would ask anyway.

Conversation
Me: "Do you happen to have any Neosporin-type cream?  Maybe from a first-aid kit perhaps?"
Lady: "Oh, hmm, no I don't think we have that.  I can check for you, if you'd like."
Me: "Oh, no, that's fine.  Don't worry about it."
Lady: "Are you sure?  I can check for you, if you really need it."
Me: "No, it was just a stab in the dark."
Lady: ---silence--- "....Ummm..."
Me: "Good night!"  -hangs up quickly-


I hope she didn't get the wrong idea.  ;)

Stupid things I did on Day 1 in Seattle

Flight
During my flight, I was watching the Office on the overhead, in-flight TV.  It was the episode where they think they are getting shaken down by the mob, and Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, but everyone keeps calling them for help anyway.  F'ing hilarious.
And of course, on the quiet afternoon flight, surrounded by dozens of other passengers, I laugh very out loud.  Repeatedly.  (And I might have shed a small tear during the showing of The Blind Side, but that wasn't as noticeable.)
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Morning

Last night, in my hotel room, before going to sleep, I plugged my phone charger into the outlet to charge my phone all night.  In the morning, assuming my phone was fully charged, I didn't bother taking the charger to the office. Halfway through my commute, I realize my phone is barely charged.  Why didn't it charge at night? Because that particular electrical outlet was controlled by the room's lightswitch, which was off all night. 

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Lunch
I left the office for a short drive to a local kosher pizza place to grab lunch.  I was able to make it back round trip in less than 20 minutes.  But when I got back, I couldn't find any parking.  Not in the surface parking lot, and not in any level of the parking structure.  I literally circled down into the depths of hell without finding a single open spot.  And since this was my first day, I also didn't really know where else I could park.  So after traveling through several back alleys, going the wrong way down several different one-way streets, and pulling a U-turn across 3 lanes of traffic, I finally found a spot somewhere.  (And I got to my desk just in time for my post-lunch coma to kick in.)
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Evening

It's only 3 pm, so I can't yet write about the inevitable stupid thing I will do this evening, but it's worth it to save the space here.

Why I work better from home

My work allows me to go home and work from there sometimes (assuming I don't have any meetings or a specific need to be in the office.)  This is nice because sometimes it's just easier to work from home.  But it's also easier to accidentally take a 3-hour nap at home.

Anyway, yesterday, I was given a lot of reading to do for my new workstream.  Basically, I had to read a bunch of background info on our new client company, about what work has been done so far for them, and what we think we're going to be doing in the next few months.

Although it's an interesting workstream, it's not so interesting when you have to read dozens and dozens (and dozens) of pages of stuff with lots of acronyms I don't recognize.  (And a lot of the statistics are repeated many many times in different files.)

Anyway, after a few hours of trudging through the readings, I decided I would go home a bit early and continue reading there.  It seemed like a good idea.

So I get home, crack open my laptop, and.....lo and behold!  I was WAY more productive at home than in the office.  I was way more focused on the readings, and I felt more interested in the material.  (I know.  I know.  You are surprised by this.  You thought I must have fallen asleep or something.  Well, you are wrong.  I didn't fall asleep.  hmph.)

Anyway, I didn't really understand why I was more focused and productive at home than in the office until this morning.  I just figured it out.  The reason is pretty simple actually.

My home internet is much slower than my office's internet.

So why would that make me more productive?  One word:  YouTube.

Youtube doesn't really work on my slow home internet.  In fact, it's a more frustrating internet experience at home, which makes it less likely I get distracted by all the interesting things the internet has to offer.

Anyway, this was a revelation I had a few hours ago.  I'm thinking about publishing my findings in a science research journal.

Life Update

So I just realized that all of my posts have been about silly trivial things happening in my life (except the socks dilemma, that was pretty significant.)  So I think a basic quick life update is appropriate.  Instead of giving thought to the content and structure of this update, I'm just going to let my brain empty onto the page (or computer screen).  Hmm, let's see.....

1.  My apartment is pretty much settled into now.  I don't have anything else I really need to add (this is my personal opinion; some of my friends may disagree.)  Most importantly, I have dining room table, couches, a TV, a bed (and frame), and a lamp I just brought from home.  What else could I possibly need?

2.  I went home this past weekend to visit family, friends.  Specifically I visited my grandpa, but I also spent a great Shabbat in Oak Park, met up with some close friends for dinner, and had a little excursion to the shooting range with a few more friends.  (Pictures to come soon.)  Twas my first time shooting at a range, but I think I did pretty well.  It was actually pretty fun (and quite affordable.)  [So now I can add pistol shooting to my list of crazy adventures over the last 12 months (which already includes sky diving, getting thrown out of a Jonas Brother's groupie event in Trump Tower NYC, and private home-cooked lunch with Matisyahu, and a few more things I am probably forgetting.)]

3.  Work has been good.  Well, it's been interesting because I have been unstaffed for over a month (until today!  more on that later.)  Since I haven't had a case to work on, I have literally done nothing this entire time.  I show up when I want, and leave when I want, and do what I want in between.  (more on this later also.)  [actually, this bullet deserves it's own post, so I'm gonna save it for now.  sorry!]

4.  I got staffed today!  [this also probably deserves it's own post.  more to come soon.]

5.  Not sure if this is significant enough to include here, but I got my census form in the mail today.  I feel so important!  It's 4 pages long, but I only had to fill out 1 page because I don't have 12 kids.  (Seriously, page 1 is the main page, and the other 3 pages are for information about the other 12 people who I don't have in my house.)  Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am a 23 yr old, non-Hispanic male.

Ok, my brain is now empty.  That is all for now.

Eating Avocado, Watching TV

Literally

ahh, this is the life

Serious Problem

I made an unfortunate discovery a few days ago.  I believe it will prove to be my downfall.

At the end of my block, about 50 feet from my front door..... there is a kosher ice cream and candy shop.  [cue evil thunder]  O, the horror!

Despite the strong allure of this shop and it's delicious sweets, I've been able to restrain myself.  I've only visited the store twice total.  *pats self on back*  ...But during each of those visits, I went up to the counter a second time to buy more candy.   (They had kosher gummy bears!  I'm only human!)

Anyway, I think I will be able to keep myself away most of the time.  Even though it's only 50 feet from my front door, I usually don't walk in that direction ever.  The only time I'm on that street is when I'm driving looking for a parking spot, when I obviously can't just stop the car and get ice cream.

God help me if they open a drive-thru window.

LEGALIZATION march in Chicago yesterday

So I was roaming the streets of downtown Chicago yesterday afternoon, when I suddenly hear drums and yelling coming from a few blocks away.  Soon I notice throngs of police officers (on really cool 4-wheelers and Segway scooters.)  Then, they close off the street I was walking on, and I see a HUGE throng of people marching with signs and yelling and singing and chanting.

No one seemed to know what the march was for, but soon a large truck came into view with a huge sign on it.  But only one word on the sign was visible.

LEGALIZATION

So I see the word LEGALIZATION, and I immediately think too myself, "Stiebel, this is going to be your next blog post:  Thousands of hippies take day off from napping to march for marijuana legalization."

So I start to take some more pictures, but then I read the other signs that people are holding.  Turns out it was a march to LEGALIZE illegal aliens in th US.  They were marching for immigration reform.  (It's certainly an important issue, but not as blog-worthy as marijuana legalization.)

Anyway, in the end, I decided to post about it anyway cuz I haven't posted in anything in a week or so.  (Sorry my devoted fans!)

I also wanted to post a picture of this guy:

i think this guy is in the wrong parade...

Adios!  (get it?)

Socks

When you do laundry and clean your socks, it's normal to occasionally be left with a sock that's missing it's partner.  Right?  Sometimes you simply lose a sock and you can't find it's pair.  It's normal.

But when I do my laundry, I somehow manage to screw up even further.

1...2...3 mismatched socks

How the hell am I left with 3 unmatched socks in my laundry?  Is this a Guinness record or something?

Really bad guess

So I made an appearance at a Purim holiday costume event this past weekend.  Everyone was dressed up in various outlandish outfits ranging from Spiderman to Scruff McGruff to a depressed clown to the four seasons.

I see two of my friends walk in together, so I go over to see their costumes.  They are both dressed in really nice silk dresses, with pearls, and high-heels, etc.  (They are both female).  Basically, they look ready to go out on the town on a Saturday night.  Really well dressed.

So I ask them what they are dressed as, and they say they are dressed as characters from a TV show based in Manhattan.

So I guess the first thing that comes to mind.

"Cougar town?"

Umm, needless to say, that was the wrong answer.  (They were apparently dressed as characters from Gossip Girls.)

Anyway, in the future, I should try to think before I speak.  Really, I should try to think before I do anything.  (Of course, if I did that, then I wouldn't have anything to write in this blog.)

PS.  In case you didn't know, Cougar Town is a show about 50+ year old women going out to bars trying to seduce 20 year old men.  My friends are not 50+ years old.

Headphones

Note to self:

When turning up the volume on my computer in order to listen to something through my headphones, make sure the headphones are actually plugged into the computer.  And just because I think the sound is coming through the headphones, it's probably just blasting from my computer speakers.

Hamentaschen

I had a little baking extravaganza in my kitchen a few nights ago with my friend Deirdre.  I helped her make a few dozen hamentasch cookies for Purim.

After making a delicious raw dough (her mom's recipe apparently), we rolled it out flat, and cut circles from the dough.

Despite being a math major, I did not realize that

you need to cut circles in order to make triangle cookies.

After filling and shaping all the hamentaschen, we had to use my itty bitty toaster oven to bake them.  (Don't ask why.)  This was pretty hilarious because my toaster oven is only about 1 foot wide, and only a few inches tall.  It's perfect for pierogies.  Probably not so perfect for baking cookies.

This is only one step up from an Easy-Bake oven

But after 15 minutes, the cookies came out great!  Like really really really good.

50% poppy seed. 50% raspberry filling. 100% delicious.

Anyway, baking was actually a ton of fun, and it actually turned out really well, which made it even better in the end.  Perhaps I shall try baking more things in my toaster oven in the future!

Happy Purim!

Stupid Stiebel-only problem

A short anecdote about me being unnecessarily stupid in public:

Last Friday, I attended a recruiting event for my company.  We were giving a presentation to a group of business students for Univ of Iowa, followed by some mingling and Q&A.

So during the mingling/Q&A, I'm with a few of my colleagues talking with a handful of the undergrad students from Iowa.  Very nice conversation and whatever whatever.

But as the conversation progresses, I realize that my yarmulke on my head is slowly sliding backwards.  (Because I had just gotten a really short haircut, my yarmulke tends to slide more often.)

Now, normally, if my yarmulke starts to slide or fall off, I simply reach up and move it back up with my hand.  But for some reason, I thought that reaching up and grabbing my yarmulke during this Q&A conversation would interrupt the flow of conversation among the group.

So instead of sliding the yarmulke back onto the top of my head, I simply started to tilt my head forward.  The more it slid backward, the more I tilted forward.  But pretty soon, I was staring at everyone's feet!  And at the same time, I was still trying to carry on a totally normal conversation!

Ugh, this is a situation that only I would get into.

In the end, I realized that trying to talk with my chin on my chest was more awkward than simply reaching up and readjusting my yarmulke.  So I did.  And no one even blinked or noticed.

(But on the positive side, I'm pretty sure my socks matched each other that day.)

Laundry - the Stiebel way

So I recently discovered that I had run out of clean underwear and black socks.  But I didn't want to run an entire load of laundry just for underwear and black socks.  So someone mentioned that I could just wash them in my sink.

And then they wisely clarified that I should use my bathroom sink.

And so last night, I did some laundry by hand in my bathroom sink.  I definitely need to work on my technique, though, because the first thing I did was pour way too much detergent into the sink full of water.  So before I put my black socks in, the water was a beautiful blue color.

But after I put my socks in......

I'm definitely glad I didn't use my kitchen sink for this job.

Anyway, after hand washing my socks and boxers, I needed to hang them up.

Brilliant

Unfortunatley, in the morning, most of the laundry was still wet.  But I had to take a shower before work!  So I basically had to find random places around my apartment to hang up the remaining wet laundry.  On doorknobs, on lamps, on chairs.  (I really hope I remember to put these all away before I have more guests over.)

Anyway, all in all, the mission was a success.  I now have clean socks and boxers for another week (hopefully).  You can all stop worrying.

Baby on board

Caution: Baby on bed.

Proceed with caution

New bed frame!

Hey, look at me!  I got a real bed frame now!  Now I'm a real boy!

it's pretty awesome.  i know.

I think my friends are more excited about this than I am, though.  I don't understand what the big deal is about a bed frame.  Before this, I had a mattress and boxspring, which basically did the same thing.  But my friends here in Chicago have been belittling me about not having a real bed.  So I finally gave in to their pressure.

The bed frame has built-in shelves, so now I have to decide what to put in them.  One major issue is that these shelves are basically on the ground.  And I don't like bending over.  So this might be a problem.

My hallway

I live on the third floor of my apartment building, and the hallway does not smell very good.

It's not terribly putrid, but it just always smells bad.  Even though there is a Glade plug-in every few feet down the hallway, it doesn't help.

But THIS week, for some reason, my hallway smells like a delicious stew.  I noticed it a few days ago.  It's delightful.  And I think it's from one of my nearby neighbors.

Anyway, the stew smell is pretty strong, and it's been around for a week already.  So either the carpets have taken on the smell permanently....or else it must be a really slow-cooking stew.

Asking for advice on the bus

So I'm thinking about getting a new coat.  A new winter coat.  The one I have now is great and warm, but I really don't like the pockets.  I know I shouldn't be so picky about my coat's pockets, but these ones honestly irk me.

The pockets have two flaps.  Under one flap is the actual pocket.  Under the other flap is....nothing.  It has no bottom.  So if you drop something into your pocket under the wrong flap, it just falls straight through to the ground.  WTF?  Anyway, I'm getting a bit fed up with having to spend extra time fishing to find the right flap in my coat every time I put my keys away.  Grrrrr.....

But I digress.

I'm thinking about getting a new coat.  I know what kind of coat I want, but I have no idea where to get it.

So earlier tonight, on the bus, this guy is standing across from me, wearing the exact type of coat I want to buy (possibly).  So I'm thinking, This is my chance to find out where I can get a coat like that.

But I don't want to bother the guy.  He's minding his own business on the bus.  It would be weird to just ask him about the coat.  (And he wasn't Asian, so my normal Chinese-language excuse wasn't going to work in this situation.)

So I dilly-dally in my mind, back-and-forth, Do I ask him?  Do I not ask him?  What do I do?

After a few minutes of mental tug-of-war, I decide to ask him.  So I make the approach, say excuse me, and ask him where he bought his coat.

"China" he says.

.......

(That is the end of this story.  Sorry to disappoint.  I was sort of disappointed.)

(Erg!  I just realized I should have asked him if he speaks Mandarin!  Darn, a missed opportunity.  Ni tsai narr mai zhe jaca? )

Stiebel gets stuck in an elevator

I considered giving this post a different title because I didn't want to ruin the punchline of this story.  But then I realized that my friends will flock to read any story titled "Stiebel [did something stupid]".



So here's the story:

Wednesday morning.  Virginia.  8:30 am.

Snow storm.

My flight leaves Richmond airport at 11 am.  The airport shuttle leaves the hotel at 9 am.  It's 8:30 am, and I still need to drop off my rental car, pack, eat breakfast (if possible), and get to the shuttle.

Despite a ridiculous blizzard (20+ inches, very few snow plows), I managed to get to the rental car place safely, and one of the staff drove me back to the hotel (in a huge kick-ass monster truck).  So I'm back in my room by 8:45 am.

I decide to call the front desk to check on the shuttle.  The lady at the desk tells me that the shuttle has been cancelled, and that my flight has also probably been cancelled.  But there is a taxi leaving in 10 minutes going to the airport.  (And apparently all the other taxi companies have refused to drive to the airport in the blizzard.)

So now I have less than 10 minutes to gather my things and get to the front of the hotel.  so I quickly zip up my over-stuffed suitbag, and start lugging it down the hallway.  But my computer and laptop bag is on the 4th floor!  Argh!

So I jump in the elevator, hit #4.

The elevator goes up to the 4th floor, the doors open 1 inch and stop.  The elevator is stuck.  FML

I push the door, thinking maybe it just needs a nudge.  Nothing.
I kick the door, thinking maybe the door needs to know who's the boss.  Nothing.
I hit #4 again.  Nothing.
I hit 'Door Open'.  Nothing.
I cry.  Nothing.  (Actually, I did not cry.  I think I may have laughed, though.)

son.of.a.bitch.  Of all the possible times to get stuck in an elevator, it had to be this particular morning.

So I start ringing the emergency bell button.  But then I realize that this emergency button is actually just a bell.  It doesn't do anything useful!  It just rings a bell for as long as you hold it.  Basically, anyone standing outside the elevator probably just thinks, "O, there must be some mischievous kid in there playing with the emergency button."  WTF?!

Luckily, I had cell phone service, so I called the front desk, and told them my predicament.  The front desk called the engineers on call, who said they would be there in 10 minutes.  But I don't have 10 minutes!

Finally, after about 5 minutes, I hear the engineers, and then after a few more minutes, the elevator goes DOWN.  Wrong way dudes!  They take me all the way down to the 1st floor to let me out!  But I need to get my bag on the 4th floor.

Obviously, the guy won't let me get back in the elevator to go back up to the 4th floor (although I was totally willing to try it again.)  So I have to run to the far end of the building to the other elevator.  I run up to the 4th floor, to the room where my laptop is....and the room is locked!  What the hell?!

So I have to run to the hotel office down the hall, and luckily someone was there with the key.  They opened the room; I grabbed my bag, and ran back to the good elevator, down to the main floor, and....

...and apparently the shuttle wasn't cancelled.  The hotel lady was totally wrong.  In fact, the shuttle wasn't even leaving until 9:15-ish.  So I had some extra time.  In fact, I had time to grab a full breakfast (scrambled eggs and bacon fruit roll-up) and relax a little bit (and tell people about the elevator.)  So much for all the running around.

In the end, I got to the airport with time to spare.  No problems.  Fell asleep before take-off.  It was wonderful.  And fortunately, we did not encounter any elevators during the flight home.